Men can't help it. They're born that way.

Today was a long day.  A fun day, but a long day.  Our daughter has been feeling under the weather, so to give her a break, GrandDad Fabuloso and I decided to take her little boy out for a day of fun so Momma could have a day of peace and rest.



First we went to a local park to play in their "children's discovery garden."  What a lot of fun that was, with water features, sand play areas, a topiary maze and an outdoor "music garden" with features that make cool sounds when children play there.  We had a difficult time getting him to leave, but...











Next we went to a nearby children's "hands on" science museum, where he saw live animals, rode simulated amusement rides on other planets, and learned how to pierce an ordinary balloon with a bamboo skewer without popping it.  (It freaked him out a little, but we're going to kill with that trick at the next family birthday party!)



Then on the way home, we found ourselves pulling into a food truck rally for a special treat.  They had so many tempting offerings:  authentic fish tacos, slabs of barbecued ribs, fancy gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches, and tantalizing vegan dishes made from organic greens and squashes...  He had a hot dog.  He liked it.

Great day!  But Granny sure was tired!  Later at our house (sleepover!) Grandson asked if he could play with my Kindle for a while.  I keep all kinds of fun puzzles and educational games (and Angry Birds.  OKAY!  Also Angry Birds!) on my Kindle, and I encourage the kiddos to have at it.  This time the conversation went something like this:

Grandson:   Granny, can I play with your Kindle?
Me:              Okay, but Granny is tired, so you have to go get it yourself.  It's in my bedroom, on the

                     nightstand next to the bed.

After about five minutes of rustling around:

Grandson:    Granny, I can't find it.  Come help me?
Me:               Did you look in my bedroom....?
                     On the nightstand next to the bed....?
Grandson:    Yes, and it's not there.  Come help me?

So off I went, heaving my old, tired, garden-chasing, museum-going bones up those stairs, and I found my Kindle.  It was in my bedroom.  On the nightstand next to the bed.  EXACTLY WHERE I SAID IT WOULD BE!  I handed Grandson the Kindle, he said, "Thank you, Granny," and off he skipped, happy as a little bird.  And then suddenly it dawned on me:

Okay, I'm joking.  The thing I have learned from observing this and other baby boys throughout the years is that men are men from the day they are born.  I knew he was a man the first time I pulled a pair of his dirty socks from between my couch cushions.  And again the first time he passed gas in my face and chuckled like it was proof of his bodacious wit.  And all the times he walks around my house with his little box of toy tools looking for something to "fix."

So, what was I thinking, asking him to find something for himself?  He's a man; he couldn't find his own elbow if I drew him a map and had a neon sign pointing to it.  These guys are lucky they're adorable, because if they weren't, who in the world would put up with them?

As for this little man, God willing, I hope to live long enough to see him grow up.  I want to dance at his wedding.  And then I want to commiserate with his poor wife because he is going to drive her bat-plop crazy!

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Sweet and Savoury Sunday

Zoodles

I'll bet you can guess what's been in my CSA box lately.  'Tis the season for zucchini.  Lots and lots and lots of zucchini!  Don't get me wrong; it's one of my favorite vegetables.  I love...

• slicing it horizontally into thin strips and marinating it in a little olive oil, garlic and lemon juice, and then grilling it ever so lightly.  Delicious!
• grilling skewers of round zucchinii chunks, cherry tomatoes and onion wedges.
• zucchini breads and muffins...

But what I really love is making zoodles,  Zucchini noodles.  Healthy, low-calorie, gluten-free... and really, really fun to make if you have one of these...

This is my spiral slicer.  There are many like it, but this one is mine.  My sprial slicer is my best friend.  It is my... oops.  Got carried away there for a second!

My slicer is a Paderno World Cuisine Tri-Blade Plastic Spiral Vegetable Slicer that I bought off of Amazon for about 35 bucks, as a matter of fact.  And I like it.  

You most definitely can make zoodles without one.  (But what fun is that, I ask you?)

I'm not going to belabor this.  You pop a zucchini into the slicer, turn the crank, and watch the magic happen.  Children love to help with this, and what better way to get them interested in eating a vegetable?  (Just keep little fingers at the handle end and away from the blades.)

In no time at all, you've got a huge pile of perfectly-sliced -- and may I just point out, really pretty -- zoodles.


So, how do you cook these things?  Well, actually you don't.  I've tried lightly boiling them like noodles, and they just go all limp and soggy.  I recommend "warming them" in a pan with a bit of salt and a little butter.  Maybe some sauteed garlic.  Some fresh basil is really good.  A sprinkle of Parmesan cheese or whatever.

And voila!  This just might be the healthiest, tastiest and prettiest veggie side dish ever.  No, really.  You have to try this.  Granny says eat your zucchini.







This post can also be seen at some great parties.  Check them out:
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Purge-athon Part 5: Food Clutter

My week-long clutter-clearing marathon included the fridge, too.











This was not such a big deal.  Not nearly as big as dealing with the mass of general clutter all over the house...












or the piles of paper clutter I shredded and recycled during the week.










Pretty much the only reason I mention cleaning out my refrigerator is so I can pass along one really good tip.
It's this --------------->

The best way I have found to absorb refrigerator odors is not a little box of baking soda.  (Don't make me laugh!)  It's not even vinegar, although that is good for occasional acute stinkiness.  No, what I find works best is newspaper.  Slip a page of newspaper under each drawer, and see for yourself.

It not only works, it works for a long time.  Purge-athon 2014 took place the week following Father's Day; the old sheets of newspaper I replaced in my fridge that week were dated from January.  Just saying.

While you're at it, toss a few sheets of newspaper in your kitchen trash can under the bag and in your garbage cans, too.  Our garbage cans used to reeeeeeally smell.  It was an embarrassment.  I tried everything to freshen them up, including scrubbing them with chlorine bleach.  Everything worked for a while, but ultimately the smell came back.  Then I tried simply lining the bottoms of the cans with newspaper, and the smell disappeared.  No smell at all.

One of these days I'm going to try stuffing newspaper in my kid's shoes. 

Purge-athon Part 4: Paper Clutter

I hate mail.  I love my shredder.  A lot of churches and synagogues in my area recycle paper to raise funds.  Therefore part of my Purge-athon resulted in this ----------------------------->

Yes, folks.  Three -- count'em -- three 33-gallon trash bags of shredded paper went from my home to a local recycling bin where finally they are doing some good.  Given that volume, one might think Granny hasn't a firm grip on the problem of her family's paper clutter.  One would be right about that!

This problem has two facets:

1. Granny gets way too much mail and is much too paranoid to throw it away.
2. GrandDad Fabuloso thinks it's cool to hang onto a copy of every bill he ever paid.

The solution to the first problem is easy:

Any catalog, advertisement, insurance quote offer, etc. that comes to my house -- and likely to all my neighbors, too -- goes straight into a paper bag.  When the bag is full, I put it in the car and drop by one of the local recycling bins some time when I'm out and about.

The problem is the scary mail:  the credit card solicitations, loan offers, "convenience checks," notices about my car warranty, basically anything that is targeted directly at me by people who are trying to sell me something I don't want.  Whatever information these people have about me that makes them think they understand my needs and desires is not information I intend to share with the rest of the world via my garbage can.  So I shred it.  When I get around to it.  And that's the problem:  I just don't get around to it often enough, resulting in, well, you can see for yourself.

In Purge-athon Part 3 I discussed dealing with general clutter.  So, having eliminated all clutter from my laundry room, I have now made the laundry counter the permanent home of my trusty shredder.  And I now shred the scary mail the minute it comes into the house.

The solution to the second problem is also easy:

This is just a nice way of saying "throw his useless old stuff out whether he likes it or not."  If he protests, just tell him the government said you have to.  Seriously, here it is:

The following document retention information is provided by the U.S. government.  For more such information, follow this link.

Document	How Long to Keep It
Bank statements	1 year, unless needed to support tax filings
Birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce decrees, passports, education records, military service records	Forever
Contracts	Until updated
Credit card records	Until paid, unless needed to support tax filings
Home purchase and improvement records	As long as you own the property
Household inventory	Forever; update as needed
Insurance, life	Forever
Insurance, car, home, etc.	Until you renew the policy
Investment statements	Shred your monthly statements; keep annual statements until you sell the investments
Investment certificates	Until you cash or sell the item
Loan documents	Until you sell the item the loan was for
Real estate deeds	As long as you own the property
Receipts for large purchases	Until you sell or discard the item
Service contracts and warranties	Until you sell or discard the item
Social Security card	Forever
Social Security statement	When you get your new statement online, shred the old one
Tax records	7 years from the filing date
Vehicle titles	Until you sell or dispose of the car
Will	Until updated

So now I have a system in place.  I file anything I need to keep for more than a year, noting the "keep until" information on the file folder.  Anything that is only good for the current year goes into a box to be shredded next year.

As God is my witness, I will never be a paper hoarder again.  Not me nor any of mine will ever be paper hoarders again.  Fiddle-dee-dee.

Next up:  Purge-athon Part 5: Food Clutter

Purge-athon Part 3: General Clutter

It's called a Purge-athon for a reason.  It took an entire week.  It took 100% of my time and attention.  It involved every room in my house.  And that's why I planned this for the week when all my family was out of town.

Clutter is serious business.  You can't reason with clutter; you can't treat it politely; you have to be vicious.  My particular method of dealing with clutter is downright anti-social.  Maybe even illegal in some states for all I know.  (Look out!  I'm an organizational renegade, I am!)  Basically, it goes like this:

1. Drag all the junk out into the open.  And all means ALL!
2. Throw out the trash.
3. Pack up all the donate-ables.
4. Put things you intend to keep in their final proper place.

I know that sounds super simple, but in fact there are plenty of ways to screw it up.  Avoid the following pitfalls:

Yes, it is going to make a huge mess.  That's called motivation.  When you see several years' worth of crapola splayed out all over your living space, you'll be inspired to end the madness once and for all.

You won't be tempted to "leave well enough alone" and skip over things that are at least out of sight.  That is probably how you got into this mess, and so those are the things you need to handle most of all.

You will be less tempted to hold onto things if you recognize the extent of your excess.

Finally, when you determine the best place for something you wish to keep, there won't already be a bunch of stuff there.

If it's no good, if you never used it, if it got ruined, get it out.  The fact is, you wasted your money the second you paid for the thing.  The sin has already been committed, and continuing to give that useless thing space in your home only serves to remind you of your mistake.  Forgive yourself, consider it tuition for a lesson learned, and let the thing go.

Whenever I feel liking clinging to something that is really no longer useful to me, I make up stories about what should happen to it.  For instance, when I left the workplace, I had a professional wardrobe that could have hung beautifully in my closet for years to come.  Oh, the memories!  I can still picture the day I wore that nice tweed number to a meeting with the auditors... HAH!

Instead, I picture a shabby but deserving girl coming across that lovely suit at the thrift store a few days before her big job interview.  I imagine her wearing it and feeling confident and professional as she lands the job that will be the first step in a brilliant and successful career...  Okay, that probably didn't happen, but so what?  It's okay to pretend, especially if it means never for one moment missing any of the things you decide to give away.

You may like it.  It may have sentimental value.  It may be priceless...  but unless you have a place to put it, you can't keep it.  Give it to your kid, sell it at a consignment shop, donate it to a museum, whatever...  but if it doesn't have a place, it has to go.  Trust me.  It has to go.

Here's the good news, though:  if you really worked steps 1 through 3, you probably have plenty of places to stash away all the good stuff you like and use and really want to keep.  Do so with my blessings!

Next up:  Purge-athon Part 4: Paper Clutter

Purge-athon Part 2: How Does This Happen?

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I've always considered myself to be organizationally gifted.

• I'm the kind who stores all the foodstuffs by type, arranged by size and height, with all labels facing out.  (But not alphabetically.  Alphabetically is for rookies.)  
• I'm the one who, if you ask me, "Do you have a socket wrench, a square post-it pad, last month's cable bill, a pet nail trimmer and some borax," I say, "Sure!" and locate all five within three minutes.
• I genuinely believe that clutter is evil.  It will ruin your life.  

How many times have you bought something and later discovered that you already had one?  Even worse, bought something you knew you already owned, but couldn't find when you needed it?

How many minutes/hours/days of your life have you spent searching for things you've lost amidst an uncontrolled collection of crap?  I wrote an entire post about this topic that you can read here.

How can you maintain mental clarity in the midst of chaos?  How can you feel attractive when you are surrounded by an ugly mess?  How can you be healthy in a house full of dusty, moldy, useless junk?        

I consider my home to be sacred.  I want it to be beautiful.  It's supposed to be healthy and efficient.  It should be organized, functional, harmonious and make me proud.

So then tell me....

I can give you 101 excuses, but it all boils down to one thing:  Respect.  (I'll bet you weren't expecting that answer!)  Four years ago I married a widower, and we went about gathering all of my stuff, his stuff, his late wife's stuff, his kids' stuff and his share of his late parents' stuff (plus a dog and a bunch of cats) into one abode.

I have spent these past four years carefully and respectfully sorting through other people's precious records and possessions.

• Some of those people were the frugal type who kept everything.  EVERYTHING!  
• Some were shopaholics who bought more things than they were able to use, literally, in their lifetimes.
• Some were just plain hoarders.
• Some of these folks had great taste, and the beautiful things they left behind deserve to be treated with loving care, whether we really want them or not.
• Others not so much.

In these four years I have carefully inspected and thoughtfully sorted every document, collectible, knick-knack, article of clothing, piece of memorabilia, household good and photograph.  Whew!  I have filled at least two dumpsters with what I deemed to be trash and appropriately gifted/donated/consigned at least twice more.

As for what remains (and plenty remains!) I am now ready to finish the job.  I am ready, once and for all, to make a place for anything I think we should keep and to properly dispose of all the rest.  That is what this week is all about.

Next up:  Purge-athon Part 3: General Clutter

What Blooms in June

I took a walk through Wegerzyn Gardens Metropark the other day.  I had to.  I was driving past the park for the second time on a day that I thought was going to kill me.  (I won't go into the details -- I don't have to, because I'm pretty sure you've had days like that yourself.)  I figured it was either take a walk in the park or dive head first into a pile of cupcakes or something.  And I didn't have any cupcakes.

The walk was a good move.  I estimate it took the gardens about 30 minutes to quiet the mental frenzy that had built up for several hours (days, weeks, all month!).  And with zero added sugars.

Yes, I took photos!  Take a "walk" through my pictures and see what blooms here in June...

Allium as big as my head.

Clematis climbing an iron gate.  

Foxglove

Hydrangea

The elegant iris

Peony

Hardy little evening primrose

Queen Anne's Lace 

(It's just so... lacy!)

Roses, of course.

White and...

Hot pink!

Spiky purple salvia

Sedum growing in a stone wall

Snapdragon

Wisteria

 Ah, the serenity of the garden!

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